Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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