In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
