I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry about my life...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
