I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
