She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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