Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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