Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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