My pussy is not your playground.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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