I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
