I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
