he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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