I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
