youre lurking in front of me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
