i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
