Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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