Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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