I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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