he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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