Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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