OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
