i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize