I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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