he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize