I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
