I just pynch a tree in the face
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My breasts were aching with rage.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
