Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
areolas are like halos for boobs.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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