fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize