im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
