Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize