and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
