guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
