my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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