We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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