Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
