Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
