While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
