3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
