margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
