You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
