therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
