A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
