she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
