I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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