I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
