mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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