What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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