I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize