i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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