jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
