hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
