why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize