I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize