Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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