Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize