Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
