the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
