did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
