Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's blow job season.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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