a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
