I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize