There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
