I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
