I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
