saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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