Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
