yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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