you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i think i just lost a toe
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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