I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
