So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
