For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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