My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's blow job season.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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