Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
