Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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