so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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