we were pretty classy up until the second keg
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize