dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
