You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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