i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
