Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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