i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
