this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
