You're earring is so big in my mouth
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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