I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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