I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
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