I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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