Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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