He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this just has baby written all over it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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