I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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