i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
