Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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