Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
