you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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