Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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