yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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