I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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