Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
