Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
