You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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